Power of NO
I often write about something I have recently experienced, and how I have tackled my latest challenge. My recovery life is about not keeping secrets and is about living authentically day to day. Writing about these issues keeps me vulnerable in a good way. Getting my thoughts on paper is quite cathartic, healing, exposes to myself my own obstacles that I need to face up to, and allows me to be me without borders. I am who I am, and I feel quite unashamed to be me, warts and all.
“Living an authentic life”
The other day I woke up with nothing in the tank. My get up and go had got up and went. I felt total blah. I am diabetic and if my blood sugar is too high, it is as if I am depressed but I am not. I have lived with significant depression in the past, and I know the difference though I am not sure my brain does. In the diabetic world, we call it having brain fog, but this morning was even more than that. There seemed to be a challenge to accept being and staying empty.
“What will we accept?”
There was no exuberance for meeting my new world that morning. I just wanted to turn over in my bed and leave the day to others. It was if I had a heavy blanket laid upon me that desired to keep me in my place of total disinterest. It seemed to encourage me to give in and accept being a non-essential part of my community. Ignore and turn off the world. That has never worked before but the temptation was alluring and tantalizing.
Be nothing, do nothing. Addiction whispers to us that we don't really count and nobody will notice so it doesn't matter if I stay in a funk. Who cares about me anyway so why not stay in bed and meditate on my current predicament? This meager power wants me to give in to being seemingly unimportant.
Addictions true desire is to destroy our identity. We are of great value and addiction says to accept being invisible. Accept its lies. Stay in bed and be nothing, do nothing, embrace nothing except eventually giving in and try to find eventual comfort in addiction’s web of lies. See, that where this will all lead if I let it. Heading back to the trough of trouble where I will be left bankrupt again.
“There is power in No”
My recovery has taught me a valuable lesson. I have the power to say NO to that which wants to keep me bound. I have the power to push back and not accept being less than my best. My best may not climb the social ladder and be on TV as a mover and shaker. My best may not captain an industry while I try to figure out how to live on seven figures. But my best is about achieving what I can become, and I will be live satisfied with my best efforts. I can say no to what wants to keep me down.
What I say NO to :
- I say No to drifting along in my life acting directionless. I want to live my life quite intentionally. I can be the person to reach for goals and build a plan on how to achieve them. I can be that man with a humongous desire, and I am able to say no to that which wants to divert me from being alive to my aspirations.
- I say no to acting like a victim. Poor little davey warner. My past addictive choices created consequences I didn’t like. I acted helpless since I needed my d.o.c. to survive day to day. At least so I thought. Now my choices are being made to achieve whole and holy consequences. Ones that advance me towards my truest desires. I don’t accept that everything should be perfect now that I no longer use. I will encounter trouble and challenges along the way but so what. I say no to living under the canopy of victim-hood. I say yes to keep truckin’on.
“I will accept life as it is and not how I want it to be”
- I say no to procrastination. Procrastination is fear of something. Name it and claim it. Fear of change. Fear of “what if?” Fear of lacking the ability to control outcomes. Fear can be that emotion that keeps us bound to living ineffectively and weak where we demand others prop us up.
“We can’t always control outcomes”
What is it that I fear that keeps me from engaging in real life? In the past, I would hold back and not take acceptable risks. Yet it is in the risk zone where personal growth occurs, and I must keep living forward so taking risks is part of the deal.
What is it I fear anyway? Failing? Being found out to be a fraud? Being vulnerable that would get me robbed of my dignity again? Each of these fears are real and not real at the same time. Sure I can fail. I have and I may in the future. I may not always be the expert, and I might even get embarrassed a time or twelve. So what. I say No to thoughts that express myself as a victim. We are all of incalculable value, and there is nothing that my performance or others can do to diminish my value. I say No to living as an offended addict who must compromise to be alive. If I fail, I will fail forward.
“I am no longer someone’s roadkill”
I say yes to reveal my personal strengths, and letting others experience the true me. I say no to living weak. I say yes to living strong. Now to get out of bed and get going no matter how I feel. I will act greater than my feelings.
“I will act greater than what I feel”
Dr. Dave Warner is a transformation coach, author and speaker. He is the author of Resilient My Journey to Wholeheartedness He is a certified Recovery Coach by CCAR, Mental Health Peer Coach by the State of Washington, and as Professional Life Coach through Erickson College of Vancouver, BC. He is an active leader with New Heart healing and recovery. As well, he spends valuable time with the Everett Recovery Cafe and ATR.